The Rearview Mirror :: Part 5 :: July 2013

Jul 7, 2015


We had been keeping Julie in the loop regarding what was going on with Bella. She knew that we wanted to bring her home to us as soon as God would make it so, but my heart was still pounding in my throat when we had to tell her that God was calling us there NOW. Going to get Bella now meant having to leave Julie at such a crucial time. My heart was so troubled. I felt terrible leaving this woman knowing that our son could be coming any day. On the other hand, our daughter was waiting for us a few states away so I knew how important it was to go. Ultimately, we knew that God was Sovereign over what seemed like pure craziness at the time and we went with our gut to go get our girl.

The next day, we left our luggage full of baby boy stuff in Oregon with Joe’s mom fully intending to be returning soon and hopped on a plane to Las Vegas. Mind you, we had NO supplies for Bella yet; no clothes, no toys, no toddler-ish supplies. We thought we were going to have plenty of time to get all of that once we got home with our baby boy. Instead, we flew to Vegas packed with nothing more than the dirty clothes we had worn for the past 8 days. I have to laugh as I write and remember this. What a crazy couple weeks this was!

We communicated with Julie everyday while we were away and it was looking like baby boy was holding out for us and everything was on schedule for Bella’s birth mother to sign on July 2nd. We walked into the agency that Tuesday morning greeted by the social worker and Bella’s Bma. After some hugs and greetings, we were escorted out to the waiting room to allow Bella’s birth mother time to sign paperwork. The only sound louder than the ticking of the lobby clock was the pounding of my heart. Nearly 45 minutes later, the social worker came out and announced that the paperwork was signed. It was surreal. More like a dream than reality. I couldn’t believe it. We had waited for SO long and just like that, we were parents!

We went out to lunch to celebrate with Bella and her birth family. A little more than a month prior, we didn’t even know she existed and now we were her parents. So awesome. So surreal. So bizarre. I felt like I was living in a dream-like state. As if I was experiencing these first moments from outside of myself and watching from afar. There was so much joy mixed with “what the heck just happened?”. I guess it’s similar to when you get married. You plan and plan for this moment and then in an instant you’re pronounced husband and wife, then whisked off to a big party without even having the chance to process what just happened. You’re so blissfully happy, yet unsure what to do with the myriad of other feelings that are flooding you as well. That’s the closest thing I can compare it to except multiplied by a hundred. So here I was, less than an hour into motherhood, sitting with my new daughter, my husband and the people that raised her to this point not quite knowing how to feel or what to do, experiencing more emotions that I ever thought possible, when my phone rang. It was Julie.

“Hey Julie! How’s it going?”

“Okay, I guess. I just got back from a doctor’s appointment. She’s concerned about the baby and she wants to get him out. Tonight…”

Rearview Mirror Part 1

Rearview Mirror Part 2

Rearview Mirror Part 3

Rearview Mirror Part 4



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