The Road to Baby Kokes :: Part 3

Sep 26, 2018

One thing I didn’t want to do was become obsessed with trying to become pregnant. I’d done that in that past and it consumed me. So this time around, I would track my cycle and occasionally do an ovulation prediction kit (which never seemed to work for me), but that was it. If it was meant to be, it would be. August rolled around and I decided to use the ovulation prediction kit a few days sooner than normal. For the first time, I got a positive!

Still, I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much. I already got ahead of myself the month before and it ended with me being disappointed and crying. But for those who have done the whole “trying” thing, you know that “the two week wait” between when you ovulate and when you can take a pregnancy test seems like an eternity. You can’t NOT think about it!

When I got pregnant with Clover and with our angel baby, I didn’t take pregnancy tests until after a missed period and even then, it was a faint line. I’m not sure why I thought it was a good idea to take a test three days BEFORE my period this time but I just couldn’t help myself. My ovulation kit came with some pregnancy tests so I thought why not. I waited the three minutes, saw the dreaded one line and threw it away (in the kitchen garbage, strangely). I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. About a half hour later, I went to throw something else away and the test caught my eye. I saw the faintest second line. I felt my stomach leap for a millisecond before reminding myself that a fake second line can appear (called an evap line) if the test is read after 5 minutes. It had to be that….right??

A couple days later (Friday, August 17th), I still couldn’t shake the feeling that MAYBE that second line was the real deal. I told myself to wait at least through the weekend until after my period was due. But….who am I kidding? I totally didn’t wait! I grabbed another one of my cheap pregnancy tests that came in my ovulation kit and did my thing. And there it was….the faintest second line. So faint in fact, that I had to take it straight up to the window light to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. I didn’t believe it. Like literally, I thought that it must be a faulty test. I even googled that brand to see if it was known to give false positives. Sure enough, it had mixed reviews. That was all I needed to see to tell myself to NOT believe it until I saw it on a different brand.

That night, I made some excuse about why I needed to run to Target and the Dollar Store and I bought six tests! I “went to bed early” while Joe stayed up on the couch but really all I wanted to do was rip open that box and pee on a stick haha. I grabbed the Target brand test, waited barely a minute and BOOM there it was clear as day. TWO LINES!!! The thing I’d been waiting for since our loss over a year prior. Yea, there was no way I was getting to sleep now!





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