The Road to the Unexpected Positive

Aug 15, 2015

About 4 years ago, I started seeing a naturopath to see if she could help address my infertility naturally. One of the things she noticed right away from my blood work was my hypothyroidism. I didn’t know I had it and she was certain that addressing this could greatly increase my chances of conceiving. It took about a year of testing and retesting to find the right dose for my body and while there still was no baby in my belly, I was happy to be on the road to a healthier life regardless. Eventually, I stopped seeing her for fertility purposes since we decided to adopt, but I continued on my thyroid medication.

With hypothyroidism, you need to get retested every 3-6 months to make sure the dose is still a right fit. I was on the same dosage for a couple years and then suddenly, it appeared I needed to increase the dose. I went on that for about a month before I started feeling some very negative over-medicated effects. It came to a head this past December while spending Christmas break in Wisconsin. I felt so unlike myself and I could not stand it. Extreme anxiety, racing heart rate, sensitivity to motion, the inability to calm down. Whatever was causing this needed to stop and QUICK, so I quit taking my thyroid medication cold turkey. I began to feel much better and it stayed that way for the next few months. But eventually, the hypothyroid symptoms caught up to me again and I knew I needed to do something about it.

I found a new naturopath/homeopath closer to our new place and scheduled an appointment for June of this year. She sat with me for over two hours and addressed all my health concerns before suggesting a homeopathic remedy as well as a lower, cleaner dose of thyroid medication. I was hesitant to take the thyroid medication as I thought back on how horrible I felt last time, so opted for the homeopathic remedy only.

At the end of the visit, my doctor asked, “Now, would it be a bad thing if you were to get pregnant right now?”. I looked at her confused wondering why she was asking me this after spending 2 hours hearing about our inability to conceive, our adoption journey and host of health issues I was working through. “Because this homeopathic remedy can definitely increase your fertility”.

I smiled and said, “Yea, I don’t think that will be the case for us.” Then gathered my things and went on my way…

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In the beginning of 2015, Joe and I had a family-planning discussion. We decided to take 2015 to focus on our family of three, my business and other creative adventures with hopes of adopting again in 2016. We were excited about “the plan”. I loved getting to focus on BTOT, SKP and my little Kokes clan and knew my heart would be ready for another child when the time was right.

Last month, we had the opportunity to get away to San Diego for a week. The first day we got there, I was contacted by a FB friend about an opportunity to adopt a newborn at the end of December/beginning of January. And for the first time in a long time, my heart got excited thinking about adding to our family. I knew that it was time! Joe and I talked about it and decided that we should move forward. We were going to adopt a baby in December 2015!

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That week in San Diego, I just felt off. I was staying in a gorgeous location with my adorable family and just got news of a little baby that we could adopt, but I was just so….cranky! I had so much to be happy about, but I just found myself super irritable, tired and unproductive. Even leading up to our family photo beach session, I found myself uncharacteristcally stressed and short. At first I thought it was just a bad case of PMS, but it felt like it was more than that. My body and mind felt strange. The more I thought about it, the more I started to chalk it up to my hypothyroidism. It has to be my thyroid. I guess I better get on the medication after all. Little did I know, there was a little pumpkin in there causing all the rukus.

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As soon as we got back from vacation, I began making calls to our adoption agency to get the ball rolling on this new adoption. Next on the list was to contact my doctor. I was starting to feel like a crazy person and I needed her to fix me…stat! I emailed her saying that I was certain the homeopathic remedy wasn’t working, I was feeling crazier than ever, it had been too long since my last period (a common hypothyroid symptom) and I wanted to get on the thyroid meds right away. As I typed away, I remember writing “and No, I’m not pregnant” but as I did, I paused and heard my doctor’s voice in my head from my first visit.

“Would it be a bad thing if you were to get pregnant? Because this remedy can definitely increase your fertility.”

I shook the thought away, sent the email and told myself, I better just take a test tomorrow, just so I can tell her I know 100% that I’m not pregnant. Because I’m obviously not.

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The next day was a hard day parenting wise. I was irritable as heck and Bella was being all sorts of naughty. I was tired and had little energy to do anything, but stuff needed to get done. While at the health food store, Bella threw a colossal temper tantrum full on with yelling and spitting at me. This was one of maybe two or three public tantrums she’s ever had and this one was a doozy. I went about my grocery shopping as fast as I could while people stared (and probably judged us). Then I remembered the pregnancy test. Crap, they don’t have any here! That meant I was going to have to make a special trip to another store to get the dang thing while my little one was in a terrible mood. I made a last minute decision to dart into Target at warp speed just so I could get this over with. We made it home and I ran to the bathroom with the test and closed the door, just so I could have a few minutes alone.

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I opened up the package and read through the instructions. I know it’s pretty simple; pee on a stick, but it had been while since I’d done this! As I waited for the results, I longed for a moment of peace. Instead, I had Bella banging on the door and sticking her fingers underneath it. My frustration turned to laughter as I listened to my silly girl who not much earlier was spitting at me and now couldn’t stand being away from me for even a few minutes. I even took a video from inside the bathroom documenting her persistence and shenanigans while I waited for the results. Then I put down my phone, opened up the door and glanced at the test before walking out to my little love.

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 Confused. I felt very confused. I saw the faintest second line. But that couldn’t be right. Could it? I immediately called Joe and told him what I saw, sent him a picture and asked him what he thought. Neither of us wanted to get ahead of ourselves, but we both agreed, though faint, there were definitely TWO lines. Shortly after, I called my mom. I needed to talk through my confusion. I wanted someone to tell me what I was or wasn’t seeing. As moms do, she calmed me down and told me to take the second test first thing in the morning and to call her right after. Almost immediately after I hung up, I grabbed the second test and went to the bathroom. I couldn’t wait until the morning! This time, I watched as the second line appeared. And my heart grew a little bit larger right then.

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I called Joe and my mom and told them what I had seen. TWO positive tests. Holy crap! Holy crap! I think that’s all I could say for the first couple hours. Still, it was hard to believe. What if they were both wrong or I was reading them wrong? I told Joe that I wanted to take one of those digital ones that simply said “Pregnant” or “Not pregnant”. That took out all the guesswork! So as soon as he got home from work, I went to Walgreen’s, bought a digital test and took it upon returning home. Joe and I went back to the bathroom together this time and looked down at the test. “Pregnant”. My hands came to my mouth as he pulled me into his chest and the tears filled my eyes.

After 7 years, I saw what I NEVER thought I would. I was unexpectedly, unmistakably, miraculously, out-of-the-blue PREGNANT! (07/23/15)

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